These predictions will prove as useful as hen s**t on a pump handle if you take ‘em to Vegas. I’m picking the games straight up. In large part, because I can’t figure out how all that givin’ and takin’ of points works. So here we go!!

New Orleans SaintsSay it ain’t so, …The Saints beat the Colts 412-398 on Thursday night in a defensive struggle.

Brian Brohm quarterbacks the …, I mean, Joey Harrington QBs the Falcons past the Vikings.

The Rams hold off the Panthers in a high flying 17-13 game.

Denver rolls the Bills in Buffalo. It’s just not cold enough for the Bills to be good yet.

Houston TexansDoes anyone care who wins the Kansas City- Houston game?? Alright Bryan, the Texans at home. Ya Happy??

The Redskins win at home, but only because someone has to.

Randy Moss catches 8 TD passes against the Jets and the NFL awards the Patriots the Lombardi Trophy in a quiet post game ceremony.

Donovan McNabb and the Eagles end Brett Favre’s dreams about being 16-0.

Even the Steelers want Brady Quinn to play quarterback this week. The Black and Gold win it in a pretty close game.

Jacksonville JaguarsVince Young rushes for 374 yards, but still has no one to throw to. David Gerrard leads the Jaguars to the victory at home over the Titans.

San Diego beats the Bears at home and the Charger crowd actually cheers Rex Grossman.

The Raiders beat the Lions and the Bay Area dreams of an undefeated season. At least for a couple of minutes.

Tampa Bay makes it close in Seattle, but Josh Brown kicks a late field goal to win it. Isn’t that what always happens??

T.O. has a record 38 passes thrown to him and he only drops 32 of them. The other 6 are for touchdowns and the Cowboys win in a squeaker.

Baltimore RavensThe Ravens beat the Bengals in Cincy, …because Chad Johnson doesn’t play defense.

San Francisco wins at home when Matt Leinart of the Cardinals trips over second base and fumbles in overtime.

There you have it.

Stay tuned for more …Picks to hang your hat on and other useless information.